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名师点评网友BEC初级作文(1)

Source: 恒星英语学习网  Onion  2010-05-12  我要投稿   论坛   Favorite  

  网友作文二:
  From: office manager
  To: all staff
  Subject: the company system
  I would like to notify you that [1]the computer system of our company's will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long [2]on account of the system needs a upgrade.[3]Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day. [4]
  Thank you.[5]

名师修改意见: 
 
[1]去掉这个开头,直接用被动语态开头。
[2]去掉,多余了。
[3]如果你不能保证用长复句可以表达清楚,那么建议换成短句吧。拆成几个短句也许表达更贴切呢。
[4]这句话看起来非常不清楚,主语在哪里?please 的后面是吗?改成:please make sure that you have prepared alternative work.
[5]另换一行
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